The if-only lie about the past, the as-if lie about the present, and the what-if lie about the future
During my graduate internship I had the fortune of hearing Tom Murphy make that statement and expound it.
In expounding it, Tom clarified how a person might try to convince themselves that if only some part of the past was different, things would be better now. When in fact, there cannot be proof of that being the case. For example, if the past was different things might have turned out worse than they are now for other reasons.
And he expounded how someone might try to convince themselves that if they are able to be a certain way, or do a certain thing now, things won’t be as bad as they are now or be better than they are now. When in fact, there cannot be proof of that being the case.
And that many times a person might try to convince themselves that if some certain thing happens in the future, things will turn out as they hope, or at least turn out better than they are now. When in fact, there cannot be proof of that being the case. And even if that certain thing does happen, things actually might turn out worse, or simply stay the same, for other reasons.
I memorized that sentence from Tom when he said it.
As I’ve meditated on that sentence over the years, I’ve come to (and retained) the idea that he was doing something like expounding a practical aspect of powerlessness from the first step, letting go of our false sense of control, and promoting authenticity and acceptance while acting on real responsibilities nonetheless..
Recovery Review 